Melanoma...The Worst and Best year of my life.
by Brenda
July 28, 2002

I was diagnosed with stage III Melanoma in April, 2001. I had a mole on my right thigh that began to bleed. I went to my primary physician for a biopsy. He then referred me to a plastic surgeon for removal. I went to three total. Each time I went in and stated I was not there for a boob job or tummy tuck, but instead for melanoma I was treated like a leper. After going to the three plastic surgeons, I felt pretty good. Each of them told me that they could remove my mole...no problem. No one mentioned anything else. The problem was that the plastic surgeons were covered by my insurance, but not the hospitals. Actually it wasn't a problem, but in fact saved my life. I ended up going to Loma Linda University Medical Center. They were covered by my insurance but had no appointments until Aug., 2001. I made the appointment in April. I was contacted a few hours later. They asked me to come in the very next day. This surprised me because the other doctors had told me that my mole was "No big deal". I went the next day to see the plastic surgeon. He took one look and told me to wait. He came back with a surgical oncologist. They examined the mole, opened their day planners and scheduled a biopsy of the "lesion" as it was now called and a lymph node biopsy the next week. Whoa I thought to myself. I thought this was no big deal? I drove back to work balling my eyes out. I was scared. I phoned my husband and he reassured me. It will be fine. The following week I was in surgery. They took off the lesion and sent it for biopsy. Two days later a blue dye was injected at the lesion area and two lymphnodes removed. The following week as I sat in my doctor's office he delivers the bad news. Both malignant. I need more surgery. Two weeks later 20 lymph nodes are removed. 10 malignant. News not good. I am referred to a medical oncologist.

But wait...it gets worse-
During recovery I find a hard lump in my lower abdomen. I call my doctor, but he is in surgery all day. I call my OB and demand to be seen that day. I go with my husband to the doctor. I give a urine sample. My OB walks in and sits down. He tells me that he is dumbfounded and can't believe what he has found. A few years prior I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It has several minor complications, but mostly I am unable to produce healthy eggs. No more children. nearly impossible. However, I am pregnant. We are excited, but nervous because I have had several tests and surgery. This is my first pregnancy with my husband. I phone my Oncologist when I get home. I had no earlier signs of being pregnant. I continued on cycle because of my medication for PCOS. I went the next day to see my oncologist. He looked at my husband and I and said I am sorry, but you cannot continue this pregnancy. My heart literally broke. He stated he would not treat me if I continued my pregnancy and the outcome would be grim. Heartbroken and determined to keep my child, I went to my surgical oncologist. Please I begged him, tell me he is wrong. My surgical oncologist requested that my case be reviewed by a tumor panel. They are a Panel of oncologist that meet weekly to discuss and make decisions about high risk or complicated cases. The result - over 50% of mothers who continue pregnancies die before giving birth. In many cases the child is born with cancer. Most women do not live very long after birth. Interferon is not given during pregnancy and Melanoma reacts to hormones. Tumors are capable of growing at the same rate as a baby. All of the information researched was given to my husband and I to review.
I have a ten year old son and my husband and I won full custody of his two children in Sept. of 1999. A boy also 10 and a girl 7. Thinking of them and the potential of our unborn child being born sick, we decided on July 5th, 2001 to terminate my pregnancy. On July 7th, 2001 our daughter, Grace Anne was born. She lived for almost 5 hours. Never in our lives have we been so devastated. I was reassured by the nurses and doctors that I had made the right decision, but did I? I will never know. I do know that my husband and I held her for the 5 precious hours that she lived, hearing other babies being born and crying, while ours slowly slipped away. I am working on forgiving myself. No one knows. This is the first I have spoke of her. I am afraid of being judged for my choice.
Now you are probably thinking wow...how pathetic is this person? I entered into my 4 weeks of IV Interferon. At the end of the first week I literally felt as though I would die from the pain. Nothing I had experienced was this horrible. A friend phoned to check on me. She is an RN. My husband told her how bad I was doing. She spoke to the docs at her hospital and her mother who happens to be a pharmacist. She phoned and told me to ask my doc if I could take ANAPROX. We did and he said yes. It is basically like prescription Aleve. No side affects. I took one and approx. 20 min. later I was out of bed getting dressed to go to the grocery store. No exaggeration. It has been my miracle drug! All I take is 1 anaprox and two benadryl before treatment. I go to sleep and when I wake up I am great. The only side effects I have from Interferon are sleepiness and sometimes it is difficult to concentrate. I am currently beginning my last week of Interferon. I have been taking it for 11 months & three weeks. So far I am cancer free.
I have been through an incredible year, but what I have realized is it has been the most amazing year of my life. My relationships are so much more meaningful. I spend more time enjoying small things like flowers in bloom, the breeze on my skin, the sound of my own laughter. I have faced a demon head on. We have battled. I have been beaten down. I have felt loss. However I continue to stand tall in the face of my enemy. I am proud of my strength. All of the trials have made me so much more of an incredible person. My life is so full. I have reached happiness and am completely content and satisfied. I have regrets of course. I regret that it has taken me almost 29 years to figure out that happiness is right in front of me. All of those things that fill are lives with chaos don't really matter. What matters is love. All I need is to love and be loved. If you are a Melanoma patient, please fight. Remember that every bit of pain you feel from treatment is you fighting your enemy. You are taking action. There will be times when you will be down, maybe the lowest you have ever been, but have faith in yourself. Focus on the positive. I truly believe our attitude is the best medicine for this disease. I know it has been for my family and me.
God Bless You...

Brenda